A common idea about those who are regularly late to scheduled events of any kind—think appointments, meetings, work shifts, or coffee dates—is that they’re being disrespectful of other people’s time and energy.
We have some thoughts on that.
I (Lara) am chronically 5-10 minutes late. Rowan is chronically early (Hello, anxiety!). But we both believe the same thing when it comes to lateness: it’s generally not about disrespect for others.
There’s so much more that comes into play when someone keeps others waiting:
Do they struggle with time management?
Are they time-blind?
Chronically overwhelmed?
Is being late not as a big a deal in their culture?
We talk about all of these things in this week’s episode of Unboxing It. We’d love to know your thoughts on chronic lateness from either side of the equation. Feel free to leave us a comment or send us an email!
Links
Episode 17: On the differences in all of our brains
Lara makes art - follow her on Instagram
Rowan is opening a coffee shop - follow it on Youtube
Transcript
(please note these transcripts have not been edited for accuracy)
[00:00:00] Lara: When you think, why isn’t this person doing it? I know it’s hard, but you can just do it anyway. take an instant and be like, could it be a different hard, could it be that what I’m experiencing and what’s happening for me is not the same as what’s happening for them?
Welcome back to unboxing It. I’m Lara.
[00:00:41] Rowan: And I’m Rowan.
[00:00:43] Lara: And today we’re gonna start off with me talking a little bit about me again and saying I am often a little bit late. I would say chronically like five to 10 minutes late, and I feel so guilty
about it and maybe shameful about it all the time.
This has been something that has
been compounded by, and maybe you’ve heard this kind of messaging online, people who are late are disrespectful. If somebody isn’t right on time, that means they don’t think that I am worth being on time for, I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of messages like that. Have you seen messages like that?
[00:01:21] Rowan: I actually got into it with a friend a few years ago and like, we’re still friends, everything’s cool, but she posted an article on Facebook that was very much along these lines that if somebody is late, they don’t care about you. They only care about themselves. They’re self-absorbed. They’re,immature.
I mean, it was a whole opinion piece. This whole op-ed on how terrible people who are. Chronically late are as human beings. And I disagreed. I 100% disagreed. I am usually on time. In fact, I’m not even usually on time. I’m usually early because I’m so worried about being late.
I’m the person who walks around the block a few times before going to the house or like. Parks in the parking lot and waits 15 minutes because I wanted to make sure I didn’t get stuck in traffic, right? But I don’t think I’m more respectful than you who is five to 10 minutes late. I think that I am just very concerned with being late because it stresses me out when I am.
[00:02:32] Lara: I am concerned with being late. I’m also concerned about being early because if you come to me early, I’m usually not ready. So I was like, never be early. Like people seem to think early is good, but if you be early, if you be early, I don’t know that that’s a way to say things.
[00:02:48] Rowan: If you be early...
[00:02:52] Lara: then I am like, oh no, I’m not ready.
Oh, no, I haven’t finished cleaning my house. Right? So . I have given myself a situation where I have exactly one minute to not upset anybody.
[00:03:03] Rowan: Oh no. I showed up on time to a party once and it was when we were first getting to know some friends of ours, who are a gay couple and I got there I think at like, maybe five minutes after they said, yeah, people can start showing up around this time. Or , maybe 10 minutes. , It wasn’t like right on the nose, but it was around that time. ‘cause you know, we had other things we had to do afterwards and they were like, oh, you’re here already.
I was like, yeah, said, you know, seven o’clock or whatever. It’s like 10 after seven. yeah, no, no. We met gay time. So gay time apparently means you show up an hour or so after? I don’t know. I mean, I think it depends. It depends on the gays involved. But yeah, after that I learned that when they say this time, they mean significantly after that time.
But if you wait too long, they’ll text you to see where you are. So, I mean, it’s just, It’s just stressful no matter what you do.
[00:04:06] Lara: Exactly I think that the reason was like, let’s talk about being late, but it’s about more than even just being late. It’s about all of the things that people tell us if we don’t do them correctly.
We’re not being a good friend. If we don’t do them correctly. We’re not being respectful and like. There’s so many things that you cannot get, right. or at least that’s how it feels like to me, right? another one that makes me really stressed a lot is tipping. It’s like, is it too much? Is it not enough?
Do I have to do it? Do I not have to do it? Like there’s, all these things that we get told. If we don’t do them correctly, then we are not being a good person. And a lot of the time, I don’t think I’m being a bad person. I’m just not very good at planning my time. I have executive dysfunction when it comes to what I call, time optimism.
Some other people call a time blindness. I’m like, I am very optimistic about how long it will take me to do a thing generally in an unrealistic way. Right. So if I’m like, it will take me 30 minutes to get there, then I will. Leave 30 minutes. Before I have to be there forgetting anything about anything extra, getting into the car, getting ready to get into the car, the fact that there could be some traffic, that there could be something unexpected.
You need to find parking, you need to walk from wherever you parked to the place. These are all things that are above the 30 minutes, but I was like 30 minutes. I looked it up. I shall be on time, and then I leave exactly 30 minutes. before, which was not enough time.
[00:05:42] Rowan: My partner does that, and I’m like, do you know where we live?
We live in Central Toronto. It does not matter whether you are driving or taking public transit. There are so many variables that you just can’t possibly know. I have been on the subway and it just, stopped and the power went out and it’s not moving now, but the doors aren’t open, so you’re just waiting and you have no cell service because you are underground.
It’s like, or you know, a car decides to stop on the streetcar line and it doesn’t move, and nobody knows where the driver is. or, you know, the constant construction that is going on and you’re driving. I mean, it’s just no matter what you do. It’s not going to take the exact length of time that it says it’s going to take, but I am overzealous.
I’m like, I gotta leave. If it says half an hour, I have to be out the door an hour early, and then I’m like, I’m walking around and I’m like, what do I do now? My appointment’s not for another 20 minutes. Okay. I guess I grab a coffee. Well, I guess I’ll grab a breakfast now.
I’ve just spent $15 to be early.
[00:06:58] Lara: Right? But. If you’re me and you’re early, you’re like, I guess I’m going to get a coffee. I guess I’m gonna go do this, right? So I’m super, super early, so then I go do something in order to fill the time, and then I lose track of time and then I’m late anyway, like,
and I just thought that it was a good topic because. I know that there are people out there who either just have believed this or who have heard this, and therefore taken it in that people who are late are disrespectful. And I wanted to say, I don’t mean any disrespect. I’m trying really hard, but I’m really bad at this sometimes.
But it is so much a thing that I am naturally not. Nearly as late as I used to be, right? Like I am good at sort of compensating for some of the things that I used to forget to do, but it’s still like a running joke. If I’m somewhere like really early, I’m like, you know, I love being early. And everybody’s like, ha ha ha.
Because even though I’m early, way more often than I used to be, it’s still this thing that I’ve taken on, that I’m always late and therefore. The internal voice, if I don’t check it, is like, you don’t really respect people because if you did, you’d have this figured out. And I think that part of it is remembering I am not not caring about you.
Like there are certainly people who are hours and hours late, and they’re just like, Hey, here I am. And you’d be like, you’re not even gonna say sorry that you’re like an hour late. And that’s. Maybe not great, but it’s certainly not where I’m coming from. Like not only am I only five to 10 minutes late, but I’m profusely apologetic about it.
And then the other side, for those people who are really late, I think a lot of that can be cultural, right? It’s like, I’m late but I’m not really late. ‘cause like who’s on time? And everybody is what you feel. But like in a lot of places, culturally, people are late all the time.
You’re not meant to show up on time. So it is just another one of those things where it’s so hard to get things right and we’ve created this situation where everybody gets really up in arms and angry Calling people out or thinking that they’re being disrespectful when you
can’t get something that is so difficult to get Right.
I’m just gonna say it for the people
[00:09:10] Rowan: who, and you’re gonna get mad at me, not you, Lara, but
[00:09:14] Lara: they’re gonna get mad.
[00:09:14] Rowan: They’re gonna get mad at me for saying this, but I’m gonna say it.
It’s not always about you. And, I know that sucks to hear because at the same time, what have we been taught and what do I in fact teach in the books that I write and the coaching that I do and that sort of thing, that our time and energy is very valuable.
It really is. My time and energy is,valuable and I don’t get it back. So I get it if somebody is chronically late, that that might impede on my schedule and it might impede on my ability to do other things. And that might be frustrating. And maybe I do need to say something about it if it happens over and over and it is really getting in the way of other things.
But. I’m not taking it personally that somebody else is having a hard time showing up on time. Yes. That can still negatively affect me. It can, and again, if it is happening all the time and I have got a tight schedule and it’s really important this person show up on time, then maybe I have to set some boundaries around that for sure.
But. It’s not that the person is going out of their way to disrespect me. I’m not taking it as an insult. I’m just looking at it and going, my schedule is as such, and there’s either room to maneuver in that schedule or there isn’t. And if there isn’t, then it is a problem and we need to talk about it.
But if there is. It’s not a big deal. And regardless, I’m not thinking that that person is being awful to me. Like, stop making it all about you. I have a son with ADHD. He chronically forgets things. He’s also so sweet and wonderful and he’s not a bad person. He just has ADHD, and it makes him forget things sometimes.
And he works on it. He’s always working on it. But do I take it personally when he forgets something? No, I don’t. Does it get annoying sometimes? Yeah, it does, but it’s not the end of the world and it’s not really about me.
[00:11:28] Lara: Yeah. Do you know How often when I leave my house to go somewhere that I have to come back in at least two or three times because I forgot something I should have brought with me.
Like oh, I’m driving far. I’m just in the car. I should have brought something to drink. I gonna run back inside and get something to drink. Oh, you know what? I forgot to pee. I gotta run back inside. Oh, I’m on my way to deliver something and I got into the car.
I have everything I need to get there, but I don’t have the thing.
[00:11:55] Rowan: You forgot the thing.
[00:11:56] Lara: Forgot the thing. And so, again, remember when I was saying if I’m giving myself exactly the amount of time that it takes, even if I’m starting to think, no, Lara, you should give yourself five to 10 extra minutes, but I’m not remembering to account for the fact that I’m probably gonna need 20 minutes because I’m gonna drive down the street and be like, oh, crap.
And turn around and come back. Like my family is very used to being like, oh, what’d you forget? Now when I come back in three times. Trying to
leave.
there is nobody who wishes that I was more organized and less frazzled than I am than me. This is not a way of being that I enjoy.
I have more and more strategies that help me as I get older, not. Make as many mistakes, for example, another one that slows me down is where the heck are my keys? I tried to have a place at my front door where I’m supposed to hang my keys. I don’t always put them there. if I put something down and I don’t really pay attention to where I put it down.
I’m not gonna remember where I put it down. And every once in a while I pick somewhere really, really weird to put something down. And so now I have, do you know what a tile is? it’s like a little gadgety thing that I have in my wallet. I have one and I have one on my keys that I can trigger from my phone and has a little chirping alarm that I can follow around the house to find my things because.
I lose them and like they’re in somewhere weird. And so thank God I have that. I also went to the bother of making sure that all of our vehicles, are the kind that unlock as long as you have the keys somewhere on your person. So I often leave my keys in my bag. I don’t have to find them. I don’t have to move them.
I just know that if they’re in my bag, my car will unlock and my car will start. These are some little strategies I have to try to make things a little bit easier for myself. All that to say, I’m constantly looking for these tricks, hacks, things that’ll make my life easier because I understand about myself that it’s difficult for me to do it otherwise.
But again, my whole point was trust me, I hate it. I am trying really hard to figure out how not to be late.
[00:14:02] Rowan: I am, I’m listening to you and I am envisioning my partner this weekend and her purse. So her favorite purse is just this black purse. It has nothing flashy on it, so it doesn’t really stand out.
And all weekend As we’re going in and out of the house, she’s like, where’s my purse? I don’t know where my purse is. I have no idea where it is. And I kept finding it and it was in these places. Like she put it down next to the exercise bike.
Well, what color is the exercise bike? Black.
So she’s like, I looked all over the bedroom and I can’t find it anywhere. Oh my God. Did I forget it at the restaurant last night?
And I’m like. I’ll go upstairs and look. So I go upstairs and look I scanned and it was there, but it was hard to see.
So now I wanna get one of those tiles for her. I think this would be an excellent gift I used to be like this. And , again, I wanna say that every brain is different and we all can learn tips and tricks, and for some of us, they work better than for other people. I am very good at putting my stuff in the same two or three locations in the house.
Every time. So it’s very easy for me to find them again. with a few times where like I left my wallet in a pair of pants and threw them in the hamper, like that sort of thing. But normally I’m very good at taking everything out, putting them down in the same spot all the time. my bags, same thing.
I have a backpack. It’s in one of two locations in the house all the time. So, I’m just a creature of habit that way, but. I don’t think I am better because of that. I mean, there are other things where say my partner who puts things all over the place and again, as I just said, loses them, she is the most digitally organized person I’ve ever met.
She has all of her photos with all of the people in them, tagged. She has files in appropriate folders. My stuff is spread out over two or three devices. It is absolutely. Awful to try and find anything. I never know where it is. I get overwhelmed when I look at a form, so like we are all different.
When I ask her if she knows where that digital thing is that I can’t find and she has to stop what she’s doing and looking for it, I mean, I feel a little bad because. I wish I was better at this, but then I stare at my screen and it gets completely overwhelming and I can’t do it. I just, I, it’s too much for me.
So, I’m not trying to be disrespectful of her time by asking her for this. It’s just, it’s the same thing as, you know. she’s kind of like you. We go in and outta the house two or three times while she forgets things and has to run back in. , She’s not being disrespectful to me or anyone else.
That’s just who she is. And we are all of a certain age, you and me and her, where we’re all kind of 50 ish. And, while you can teach an old dog new tricks, and I am certainly learning plenty of them myself as I get older, neuroplasticity does exist and we can rewire our brains to think.
Better or create new habits and unlearn old habits. We are also kind of, we have a threshold in which we can learn those things and we can get better, but we may never get to the point where we see somebody else get to. Like, I’m never gonna be as organized digitally as my partner is. and, she’s probably never going to remember.
Where her things are as easily as I do. And that’s just the way it is.
[00:17:39] Lara: Yeah, and it’s not just because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks kind of idea. It is because some of us our brains aren’t structured that way. So for me, one of the things that I learned from one of my kids when they had an ADHD assessment was that they had really low working memory.
And that’s when I realized that. When I asked them to go get their lunchbox and they were going to do something else, they weren’t just being an ass. They like literally did not remember that I had asked them. So that’s the working memory is the, where did I put down my keys? And I once lost my phone.
This was many years ago, like a decade ago. I feel now. I lost my phone for like a week because I put it on a high shelf in a bowl. And I think I did that. So my kids couldn’t see it in that moment. Do you know what I mean? Like what the reasoning was for that. I don’t really know. ‘cause like it was a very odd choice.
I had never put anything in that bowl before. Certainly not my phone. And then my phone died while it was in there, so we couldn’t find it.
Some people would never think to do that. Do you know what I mean? Like First of all, I did that. Second of all, I forgot that I did that. but some people would never have that situation because their brain is just like, I put the thing in its place because that’s what feels good. And I know that’s where it goes.
And some people never think of that, right? It’s not like I’m like, you know what? I’m gonna do not put it in its place. I’m not gonna remember that it has a place and I’m gonna put it somewhere that, in that moment makes sense to
me and very potentially forget that I did it.
So it’s not that I just didn’t learn organizational skills. It’s that they never really made sense to me or they never felt like what I wanted to be doing. And so when I’m not doing it, it’s not because, well, you learned it and you just decided that was the right thing to do, and I decided it was the wrong thing to do.
It’s that it made sense to you and your brain, so you kept doing it and it didn’t make sense to me in my brain, so I didn’t keep doing it. This comes back to my whole thing is we always think other people are like us, and if they just did things that weren’t even that hard, everything would be better.
But you’re using yourself as the baseline and that simply isn’t the case. Like we’re all starting from different places. And I’m not saying like worse or better, I’m just saying different.
[00:20:03] Rowan: Different , and we’ve talked about this, we did a whole Neuro Divergence podcast episode a few weeks ago, but we need all different kinds of brains in the human.
Experience to be able to evolve. If we all thought exactly the same way, if we all had the same strengths and the same weaknesses, we would never get anywhere. We would’ve died out ages ago. Why are we the humanoid species that survived? There are a lot of theories. one of them is we learn to use tools and one of them is we learn to work together more.
also I would say our diversity has been our strength and I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think a lot of anthropologists would say that as well. Just the idea that we recognize that not everybody has to be the same as us, and in fact. Them not being the same as us is our salvation. It can be annoying sometimes, and also we are still animals.
And we’re seeing right now politically for example, that there are a lot of people out there who insist. That everybody be exactly the same as them, lead the exact same life, identify the same way, be attracted to the same kinds of people, want the same kinds of things, and that is not realistic in the same way that expecting that every single person is going to look at.
A bowl and go, that’s where I need to put my keys and my wallet every day. You know, it’s like we all think differently. SoI think it’s the same issue. It’s just coming out in a different way and dare I say, a far less dangerous way. If you are like, I am mad that somebody’s late all the time because they’re disrespecting me.
I think I would prefer that to a lot of the other sentiments going around right now. But yeah. Still is worth, discussing. And itone of our gifts is that we’re very self-aware and one of the things that we need to survive is that we’re a little self-absorbed.
We have to be thinking about ourselves a lot, but it can be a fault. It can go so far that we start to think, like you were saying. Everybody has to think like me. Everybody is just like me. And so if you are doing this thing poorly that I do, well, it’s because you just don’t wanna do it and you’re not trying enough and how dare you
it’s a dangerous way of thinking. It really is.
[00:22:46] Lara: and I would add to that. Even if something feels kind of difficult for you. ‘cause I’ll hear that. Like, do you think it’s easy for me to get to places on time all the time?
Um, okay. I don’t know. First of all, maybe, maybe it’s easy for you, but just because something’s hard for you doesn’t mean that the hard somebody else is having is the same hard, right?
So do you think it’s easy for me to get up at 5:00 AM and go for a run? I imagine not because you keep doing it
versus
[00:23:19] Rowan: um, no. Judging by the evidence.
[00:23:22] Lara: Right. But they’re like, well, I don’t always want to do it. I was like, okay, this is where we need to be clear. that hard is not the same as my hard, my hard would be, My brain can’t form sentences, let alone get out of bed.
Or you might be like, I don’t really feel like it this morning. And I’m like, my body won’t move in a way that doesn’t hurt to walk, let alone run. the difference in what feels difficult to you and you just did it anyway. And what. I might be experiencing aren’t necessarily the same, and I’m not saying anything other than remember that.
When you think, why isn’t this person doing it? I know it’s hard, but you can just do it anyway. take an instant and be like, could it be a different hard, could it be that what I’m experiencing and what’s happening for me is not the same as what’s happening for them? And the other thing I’ll hear is like, I just don’t understand why blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I wanna remind people they don’t need to understand. They just need to believe that somebody else might be having a different experience and they’re not just lazy and they’re not Being disrespectful and they’re not being a bad friend, something else is likely going on. Again, there are exceptions, but I just wanna remind people to consider the fact that sometimes it’s not about you, and it’s not about how they feel about you, it’s just about how they move through life and how difficult or easy things are that day.
[00:25:02] Rowan: Another thing that I think
falls in line with this is
you’ll have somebody that you texted and they haven’t gotten back to you yet.
It’s been a day or two, and then you see them post on social media, and it can be very easy to think. That that person doesn’t care about you or is disrespecting you? it’s me. I am the person that has 25 texts sometimes and has not replied to them, but can post to thousands of people on social media and.
There’s a reason for that and it’s because my threshold in terms of being able to connect with people is the window’s much smaller. At that point, I’m probably feeling really anxious and overwhelmed, and the idea of having a back and forth conversation with you in text is too much for me right now. And my brain kind of shuts that part off and completely forgets about it and just puts it over here.
And not because I don’t value those people and love those people dearly, but because I just can’t. And then I go over to social media. Well, for one, social media is part of my job. So staying visible is one of the things that I have to do. So some of that is work, but sometimes let’s just take that away.
Sometimes the person is just posting on social media. And that’s because I think they can post it and then just leave it alone or post it and have very minimal interaction. There’s a lot of reasons. I
think again, sometimes when we see someone’s actions.
There are some very overtly hurtful things that , people can say, and people can do.
And if we’ve had conversations with people about how those things are hurtful and they’re not getting it, I can see having to set some boundaries around those things and maybe even not have that person as much a part of your life anymore or whatever it is that you need to do, but. I also think it’s really important to remember, like you were saying, that everyone’s going through their own stuff all of us are going through things that other people can’t see.
I actually make it a practice because I live, like I said, very central Toronto, very downtown ish, and there’s a lot of people. And it’s this beautiful, diverse community. People come from all over the world and, have very different lives, and everyone’s kind of, different ages different, cultural backgrounds and different jobs.
And so I make it a point to go out for a walk when I’m feeling really stuck in my head and I have to practice it. I have to actually do this with these thoughts in mind. I make a point of people watching when I’m out and remembering that all of these people have those very different lives, grew up in different experiences, different family dynamics, and come from different places and that and that everybody has their own worries.
Everybody has their own joys. Everybody has their own habits. Everybody has their own brain. That works a certain way, and it helps me shift that baseline from insisting that everybody think and act like me to. I am just one of billions of people and we are all very, very unique and to be gentle, to practice that kindness and that understanding,
[00:28:37] Lara: and I think it’s a good example that you made because when we talk about.
How different we all are. You’ve said you don’t lose your stuff constantly ‘cause you put your stuff away in the right place. You’re pretty good at getting out the door on time or early. I’m pretty good at responding to messages. In fact, I sometimes worry people think that I don’t do anything except sit and wait for their messages because I reply so quickly.
[00:29:02] Lara: but that is, easy for me to do that. It is easy for me to like pull away from things. ‘cause like kind of like to be constantly changing activities, so I’m pretty good at noticing when messages come in. I like to reply quickly. it is not heavy or difficult for me, and I think that’s key.
It is not heavy or difficult for me. It is sometimes heavy or difficult for you. It is heavy and difficult for me to remember to put things away in the same place every time like I try, but it always requires an extra amount of effort that other people don’t require. I read something once that said people with ADHD actually almost never.
Establish habits, right? People are like, oh, it takes this many times to establish a habit. Sorry, I said that really mockingly. But,
[00:29:50] Rowan: but I mean, if somebody’s insisting that that’s how long it takes and you know, that’s not true. I mean, that’s fair,
[00:29:56] Lara: There are people where you’re like, well just make it a habit.
There are people who actively have to convince themselves to brush their teeth every morning. Convince themselves to get in the shower. And other people are like, I just got in the shower and didn’t even think about it. Right? And it’s the same thing for me. I have to be like, whoa, put your keys on the hook.
And other people walk in and they just put their keys on the hook without thinking about it because it’s become a habit. Not everybody establishes habits in the same way. Not everybody finds ease for things in the same way, and so whether it’s about being late or not, I think that Ultimately, what I wanted people to hopefully hear when I suggested this topic was,
well, number one, we’re not trying to be disrespectful.
Number two, we still want. To be good friends. Number three,
it’s not necessarily what you think is happening that’s happening, like that’s what I want, people to realize. there’s just so many different ways of thinking and being and doing and living and operating. And when we put these rules out into society, never be late or.
It’s disrespectful, And I have a laundry list of other ones like that. All
you’re
doing is putting. More pressure and stress on people and that sucks. I think there are times when you can be like, this is a non-negotiable, right? You can say to people, it is extraordinarily important that you be on time for this, and whether you specifically state that it’s a non-negotiable or not, but if you specifically say it’s really, really important that you be on time for this.
Particular thing that’s probably gonna help that person be on time.
[00:31:31] Rowan: Yeah.
[00:31:32] Lara: But if you ask them to do that every single time, then it’s not extraordinarily important. You just kind of would prefer that. And you need to understand that other people also are operating and living in different ways and they would prefer other things.
[00:31:46] Rowan: Well, I think
it’s like,
you know, you have the people who are sort of chronically late for things, but their siblings getting married and they know they have to be there at a certain time and they are. And what I would like to say in that time isn’t like, it’s not a ha gotcha. See, you can be on time for things that is more of a.
I recognize how extraordinarily difficult it must have been for you, and you still stepped up to do it this time because you understood how important it was. Like, I don’t think that that should ever be used as a See, you can do it, it is much more about wow, I really recognize that you care and that you cared enough to probably exhaust yourself to get here on time.
This time. Yeah. Like I can respond to everyone’s text messages right away. It takes a lot outta me when I’m going through some stuff. To be able to do that. ‘cause I just don’t have the spoons, frankly. Right. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love these people. I can do it. And believe me, if I have 20 text messages from people, like, Hey, what’s up?
you know, , just thinking about you. And I haven’t gotten back to those people, but somebody reaches out to me and they’re in a crisis. I will reach right back out immediately. No matter what I’m going through, it wears me out. Of course it does. I don’t really have a lot in me to do that.
But again, it comes back to the wedding thing, right? It’s like, if it’s really important, I’m going to put that extra effort in. But I also think that, if you are saying to somebody, it’s really important that you’re here on time, this time.
Ask yourself, is it really important that this person is on time for a specific reason or is it really just important because you feel disrespected when it’s not happening? And if you’re feeling disrespected, is there a good reason you’re feeling disrespected? Or is that because you were told you’re supposed to feel disrespected?
Because that’s the messaging. I wanna do a whole follow up on this. First of all, I wanna know what people think. About this topic, like do you agree with what we said here? Are you completely upset by what we said here? Do you think that we’re completely off base? Absolutely tell us, because I think different perspectives are important in these conversations.
But I do wanna have a follow up to this that I think we should get on soon, because we’ve talked a lot about boundary setting. Before, and that’s really important to us as human beings and as coaches and as parents and boundaries are critical. But I recently saw an article that was saying that all of this boundary setting is making us pretty lonely because we’re taking it to an extreme.
So I do think that should be a follow-up discussion for us.
[00:34:44] Lara: Yeah, I think that’ll be great. So yes, everybody, please let us know what you think. Come into the comments, share with us, that’s what we do every week. We talk about the things that we wanna dig into, and I can’t wait to do more on the boundary setting too.
[00:34:57] Rowan: Thanks for joining us this week. We really appreciate you.
[00:35:00] Lara:
Thank you.
